PARENTS STORIES

LOVE

Betty and Eric were sitting enjoying a quiet evening at home when their only son came to see them. Martin was 31 and had left home the previous year, to live in a cottage which he had converted into a nice modern home. He was a very outgoing, thoughtful son who brought lots of happiness to his parents by including them in his interests and friends. He had a lot of friends - girls and fellows, but no one special, this was the only sadness for his parents, no daughter-in-law in sight for them to make a fuss of...

On this particular evening, Betty and Eric had their little world completely shattered. Martin told them that he was gay - father was quiet - made the right noises and put on a good face -like: "it makes no difference to me son." Mother cried and cried, she didn't know why, but it seemed so alien to her. Martin eventually went home, and both parents cried through the night. They were too ill to go to business the next day, and so it went on.

They realised that they should have seen the signs - what signs? Having not mixed with gay men, how could they know? Six months later, how things have changed. A new world has opened. What happiness has come into their lives, lovely, kind honest caring people have become friends and although a daughter-in-law will not be possible, a lovely son-in-law is.

Martin is no different now from the week before he came out. Because of fear and prejudice, mainly through ignorance, their son had wasted the young part of his life, not being able to be himself. How sad...

Enjoy your GAY SONS and LESBIAN DAUGHTERS, help them through bad times and let other people realise just what GAY means.

REFLECTIONS

As the mum of a gay son and lesbian daughter I enjoy meeting other parents who can share the same experiences and have the same emotions, feelings and questions that I have myself. It is always rewarding to be able to offer comfort and advice to a parent who has recently discovered that they have a gay son or daughter. As I talk to them, I recognise myself as I used to be at that initial stage and then I realise how far I have come towards acceptance and that is very reassuring.

During the course of these discussions it is sometimes mentioned that parents too have to 'come out' as they gradually feel able to tell some other people. 'Coming out' for parents can take years just as it does for our youngsters.

As a Christian parent I have had some difficulty in equating my youngster's sexuality with my own religious principles. I believe that a person's religion and the way they interpret it is a totally personal issue between them and God alone. We each have to come to terms with it in our own way and in our own time.

As in many other circumstances in life, there is no magic quick and easy way to cope with all the emotions and to any parents reading this whose young ones have recently' come out' to them, I feel that I share a very special and unique bond with them.

Sometimes the major task of changing the attitude of society generally and ending the prejudice seems impossible. But our work will go on , for the sake of every gay person, so that they can enjoy a peaceful acceptable place in society. Meantime, keep on loving, listening and learning. Finally, but certainly not least. I would like to thank my fiancé for his continuing help, encouragement and support. Often it hasn't been easy but he has always been there. We look forward to the future.